Current:Home > Scams'The ick' is all over TikTok. It may be ruining your chance at love. -Financial Clarity Guides
'The ick' is all over TikTok. It may be ruining your chance at love.
View
Date:2025-04-14 09:50:33
If you've been on TikTok at all during the past year, odds are you've heard of the dreaded "ick." Heck, you might have even felt it yourself while on a date.
The ick is a Gen-Zism used to describe the feeling of becoming suddenly (and, usually, irreversibly) repulsed by someone you once found attractive. Did you swoon during your dinner date, only for the chemistry to vanish once your partner pulled out his velcro wallet? You got the ick.
But be warned: Experts say that, if you succumb to this idea of the ick too easily or use it to rule out potential partners too fast, it may be a sign something's wrong with the way you feel about relationships.
Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at the dating app Hinge and author of the book "How to Not Die Alone," says this viral concept, when taken too far, is often just an excuse to sabotage one's chances at finding love.
"The ick is the cringe feeling that you get when a date does something small that suddenly turns you off," Ury says. "Icks are hilarious for obvious reasons, but they belong in a comedy show and not in a dating manual, and you shouldn't reject a potential relationship over a silly moment like this."
More:Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life
What your icks say about you
Sometimes the ick points to a deeper issue in the person experiencing it. For instance, if someone has an avoidant attachment style, they may use the ick as an excuse to not get close to someone.
Ury says people with avoidant attachments styles put up walls between themselves and their romantic partners out of fear of one day being abandoned or hurt by them. They do this, she says, by using "deactivating strategies," like the ick, in order to make themselves feel less connected to the person they're dating.
"They often create these reasons to separate themselves from someone," she says. " 'Oh, I don't want to get close to someone because I actually feel like ultimately I won't be able to trust them or they'll abandon me, so let me not get close at all.' "
Sara Nasserzadeh, a social psychologist and author of the book "Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love," coming Feb. 6, says avoidant-attached people invent reasons to convince themselves why a relationship isn't right, even when it's going well. This is why, she says, it's crucial to work on any fear of intimacy you may have, so you don't sabotage healthy relationships.
Suddenly repulsed by your partner?You may have gotten 'the ick.' Here's what that means.
The difference between an ick and a deal-breaker
Ury and Nasserzadeh say it's important to know the difference between a superficial ick and a legitimate deal-breaker.
Any person you date is going to have quirks. Some of these quirks may turn into pet peeves or icks. But these alone are not valid reasons for ruling someone out, Nasserzadeh says.
What's different from an ick, however, is when someone does something that violates your boundaries or values.
"Is this really just a quirk? Is it a pet peeve for me, or is it actually a sensitivity?" she says. "If you cross the line, call it off."
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
Ury says some icks may also be legitimate red flags if they deal with compatibility. For instance, smoking cigarettes may be more than just an ick for some.
Disagreements about values, such as what religion you'd like to raise your kids, also fall into the deal-breaker category, she says.
But if all your date did was botch a dance move, you should probably push your ick to the side.
"Give each promising relationship a fair shot and don't hit the eject button early over a ridiculous minor detail," she says. "We often think that we know what we want, but we're wrong, and we eliminate very strong potential candidates for reasons that don't matter that much."
Psychopaths are everywhere.Are you dating one? Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (711)
Related
- Pregnant Kylie Kelce Shares Hilarious Question Her Daughter Asked Jason Kelce Amid Rising Fame
- Boxer Ryan Garcia gets vandalism charge dismissed and lecture from judge
- Colorado’s Supreme Court dismisses suit against baker who wouldn’t make a cake for transgender woman
- Not everything will run perfectly on Election Day. Still, US elections are remarkably reliable
- Off the Grid: Sally breaks down USA TODAY's daily crossword puzzle, Triathlon
- Derek Carr injury: How long will Saints quarterback be out after oblique injury?
- West Virginia lawmakers OK bills on income tax cut, child care tax credit
- If the polls just closed, how can AP already declare a winner?
- 'No Good Deed': Who's the killer in the Netflix comedy? And will there be a Season 2?
- What is the Electoral College and how does the US use it to elect presidents?
Ranking
- Jamie Foxx gets stitches after a glass is thrown at him during dinner in Beverly Hills
- Watch hundreds of hot air balloons take over Western skies for massive Balloon Fiesta
- Trump calls Maine Gov. Janet Mills a man in a mistake-riddled call to supporters, newspaper reports
- When is an interview too tough? CBS News grappling with question after Dokoupil interview
- Rams vs. 49ers highlights: LA wins rainy defensive struggle in key divisional game
- 2 off-duty NYC housing authority employees arrested in gang attack on ex New York governor
- Georgia WR Colbie Young arrested on charges of battery and assault on an unborn child
- Save Up to 71% on Amazon Devices for October Prime Day 2024 -- $24 Fire Sticks, $74 Tablets & More
Recommendation
Rams vs. 49ers highlights: LA wins rainy defensive struggle in key divisional game
Critical locked gate overlooked in investigation of Maui fire evacuation
Will the polls be right in 2024? What polling on the presidential race can and can’t tell you
Recent Apple updates focus on health tech. Experts think that's a big deal.
'Kraven the Hunter' spoilers! Let's dig into that twisty ending, supervillain reveal
The Office's Jenna Fischer Shares Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Lawsuit seeks to reopen voter registration in Georgia after Hurricane Helene
Who can vote in US elections, and what steps must you take to do so?